


everyday it's getting colder

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Disappointment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Friendship, Not Beta Read, Sad, Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics, kind of a character study but not exactly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 06:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21387433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: In the end, they're just kids.
Relationships: Javier Fernández & Yuzuru Hanyu
Comments: 10
Kudos: 35





	everyday it's getting colder

**Author's Note:**

> I'm blocked, and when it happens I'm trying to write short, usually sad things to just get out of my "how to form sentences" mood. So, I hope you... enjoy?

It's weird, that's the best hiding spot Javi can think of is the olympic rink.

And it's almost ironic, but that's probably the only place he is feeling safe now, the only place he can hide in. He doesn't want to go back to his room, because that would mean meeting his teammates and journalists, and so many other people demanding his words and attention, and he doesn't want any of that, not now. He barely had enough strength to meet his family and not break down in public. 

But now, he is back here, after lying to his parents and Brian that he would be resting in his room, and he can't do that, not yet. He will just sit here for a bit longer, in that deserted locker room, and he can try and pretend that the competition didn't happen yet, and that his dreams weren't lying scattered on the floor. 

He still has some time, he knows, because that nice cleaning lady he met while walking inside told him that she would be closing around 1am, and Javi doesn't want to go.

If he leaves, then it will be real, and he doesn't think he's strong enough to face reality.

He will just stay here, just a moment longer. 

The floor is cold, and so is the metal surface of the locker he is leaning against, and everything hurts, his foot, his left knee and his chest, pulsing with deep, hot ache, spreading to his stomach and tying it in a tight knot, crawling up to his throat and making it clench, and it takes so much effort, to breathe. 

He's trying not to think about it, but he fails, of course he does, and he thinks that maybe that's his thing. That maybe he wanted too much, that he was too greedy, too sure, or maybe it was the other way round, and he was just too scared and too weak, just like someone told him once.

He just wanted to be worth of all of that. He wanted to be worth of Laura's sacrifice, and he wanted his parents to see that he didn't waste even one day of their hard work.

Javi's face is wet and his throat is tight, his heart hammering in his chest, and he knows, he knows what's coming and he's not prepared. The last time he felt like that, it was that summer after leaving Moscow, filled with sleepless nights and fear and too many tears to count. But then he wasn't alone, and he is now, and he can't breathe yet again, and he can't cry anymore, so he only closes his eyes as he tries not to fall down that dark spiral, trying to force his exhausted mind to cling to the last bits of his consciousness. 

"Javi?"

He opens his eyes, eyelids heavy, and he sees Yuzuru, who for some reason is wearing his short skate outfit, and is now looking down at Javi with a concerned frown on his face. 

Javi would ask about that, or say anything, but he can't, so he just closes his eyes again and tries to control his breathing, tries to make that terrible pressure in his chest go away.

He can hear Yuzuru getting closer, kneeling down next to him, and Javi doesn't even have enough strength to wonder what his teammate is thinking right now. But then, there is a cool hand covering his, small and gentle, unsure, and there are words muttered in quiet Japanese, and Javi holds on to that, to that familiar voice and hand holding his, and slowly, he climbs back. 

When he opens his eyes, Yuzuru's face is much closer than he expected, his eyes wide and tired, and Javi is still feeling dizzy, but he understands. He understands why Yuzuru is there in his costume, and why he looks pale and exhausted. And Yuzuru seems to understand Javi too, because his expression morphs into sympathy and sadness, and he squeezes Javi's fingers tightly, silently passing him everything he isn't able to say in his broken English. 

Javi breathes.

"Are you hungry?" he asks, his throat raw and voice rough, and Yuzuru blinks quickly, surprised, 

And then, he smiles.

"Yes." he says, his eyes finding Javi's, and then his smile dims, a corner of his lips quivering just before he leans in, hiding his face in the crook of Javi's neck. 

Javi stirs for a moment, but then he carefully wraps his arm around Yuzuru's back, and he can feel his rapid breathing, his chapped lips on his skin, his fragile bones, and then it hits. The realization that they're just kids, carrying too many hopes on their shoulders and too many scars in their hearts, and maybe all they can do to heal is to hold each other. Just for a little bit longer. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, don't hesitate to tell me what you think!


End file.
